I chose this topic to be my first blogpost because I believe that it will tell you a lot about who I am. One, it will tell you about my background (I do recognize that my last name is a giveaway), my life story – per se, and two, it will tell you about where I am now and what I would like to do. Thus this would be the first blogpost that would encompass the most salient stories of my existence – at best.
I am presumptuous because I assume an audience.
So let’s get to one, I am of Vietnamese origin. And, in stating so, this must only mean that I am however not from Vietnam and therefore, bringing us to my next point of how I was actually born and bred in inner-city Boston, Massachusetts. I must also confess that although I have balanced very well my east and west, I am however extremely conflicted with being both an American and Vietnamese. Yes, do note that I didn’t write, “Vietnamese-American”. My mother came to the states via the My-Lai Movement, and if you know anything about it, then maybe you can understand or appreciate why I might be so conflicted.
No, I’m not anti-America (and never will be), I’m not shitting on my own citizenship and country. I mean, after all, I’m in this country as America’s subsequent wiping after crapping in Vietnam. I’m not trying to be political – I’m stating a brutally honest fact in the wittiest terms my meager mind can compose. Although, I’ve only recognized this notion that my country is not as heroic and blameless as I thought until much later in life, however, I do and will always recognize that this birthplace is the reason, the source, and the truth behind any and all of the successes that I can claim and will claim.
My mother like most Vietnamese mother in America wanted me to fully assimilate into being an American. This means, rejecting everything that is Vietnamese and accepting everything that is American because it is the ultimate sign of success. Usually, it starts with a proud mother saying to her friends, “my daughter doesn’t speak any Vietnamese!” I, however, rejected that lesson to its core and I did what I could to learn Vietnamese… so that I could sing karaoke. Okay, I ultimately learned from reading newspapers. Yes, instead of making a simple statement, I have written an overly colorful paragraph to assert to you that I am indeed fluent.
I am also too verbose.
I ask such a question because I can’t quite figure out whether I am returning or going to Vietnam. I have a desire to be there, a desire to establish a life there because I want to be a part of its generation of change. But, can I even claim that? Am I Vietnam’s generation of change or is it those who never left Vietnam’s generation of change? I’ve yet to figure out the answer. I also know that I risk myself to be that idealistic obnoxious American who imposes her values upon another without first understanding what the other really desires and needs to be.
It is true that being in school allows me to be as idealistic as I please. But again, it is only those who dream with conviction who may stand a chance to achieve.
"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream." - Vincent Van Gogh
So, I ask the question because I want to live out my answer. And I now truly believe that the answer lies there and not here. Not until I go will I then be able to return. And by "go" I don't mean I need to visit for the first to be able to return to visit the second. I've been there, I've been there three times, but I've never been there as my Vietnamese counterpart. Thus I await this opportunity... which brings us to my next point of how I am zealously applying for legal internships in Vietnam. My last cheese line: I want to be a part of Vietnam’s driving force for change and democracy.
For now, I will leave you with the fact that not until I truly go will I be able to return.
